The year 2024 has seen its share of bumps and bruises. Did Katt Williams set the wheels in motion on Club Shay Shay? I’d never seen the show before but the thumbnail caught my nosey eye that particular night ’cause I watch a lot of YouTube anyway. It’s really become, dare I say, another cornerstone of America. Like baseball, apple pie and…church.

I don’t know if the grass is greener on the other side of 2024 but one thing for sure, 2025 is coming. It’s rushing in on us like Sha’Carri Richardson across the finish line. I remember another time feeling like 2024 back when I was in Saudi Arabia.

When come time for me to make my exit, the mothersucka who was over signing exit visas moved like a thirsty tortoise in mud. Just nasty slow, okay?!

I sat on the bus near two hours for the driver to return with that signature. I’m sitting on the bus dressed to the nines in Muslim gear, hoping to not miss my plane. Soon as the driver comes, he rushes me to the airport. I mean, he put the pedal to the metal. I get there in good time and tipped him big!

When I get to customs, my passport is missing. Turns out I left it on the damn bus. It was the longest hour waiting for it. You hear me?! Soon as I get it and on the other side of customs, I go to texting that visa guy and go at him  like a professional cusser.

He gets petty and picks on me for losing my passport, cussing me right back out. Naturally, I give him some action back. It was a war of the fingers and I was a real hotshot once I located my passport. Even after landing in London, he’s still got Portraitist on the brain. I remind him that It’s Ramadan and you should be praying with your wife ‘stead of filling your head up with me, you ole buzzard!

In other words, I feel the angst of the year and I want…a divorce. I won’t fight none of you trying to hang on to this year. 

Look!

I worked, cooked and kept the house like a good woman. 2024 wasn’t here for me. Okay, maybe I slacked way more than I shoulda but…but…those vitamins didn’t work! Y’all can have 2024. Tired of tugging back and forth. Meantime, I’m negotiating how to conclude this divorce peacably.

I just hope Patience comes soon ’cause as I speak! we’re sitting across the table, rolling our eyes at each other.