Imagine walking into a gallery with your rich self and handing over your credit card for a piece of art with a banana duck-taped on the center of the canvas. Another time, you decide to spend thousands on an abstract painted by a monkey. Then you get really, super bored with all this money burning your pockets, ’cause you ain’t got nothing on your agenda one day, and head off to an auction and spend $18,300 on an invisible sculpture. The artist is Italian, if that matters, and he signs over a Certificate of Authenticity to validate your purchase.

This is really happening in the art world, folks. Now, being that I paid to go to art school, I won’t lie to you, I’m jealous of that damn monkey. It’s getting star treatment, probably eating organic bananas in the back of a limo and drinking good bottled water only sold in rich folk neighborhoods. It’s probably branded Wateer or some foolishness, to make it sound as special as that monkey. However, I won’t knock a monkey’s hustle ’cause they gotta eat too.

Marcel Duchamp’s Urinal, in 1917, was a dig on the stuffy art world, as the Dada Movement rejected reason and logic, but that changed nothing. The art world remains pompous and if there’s a heaven, liken the difficulty of trying to get there to the posh posh world of art. I don’t say that as an artist per se, but one who knows a good bit of art history.

Of these pieces of art I’ve mentioned, I’m more impressed with the monkey, if I must be impressed at all.

Now!

What I wanna know is where did you put that invisible sculpture?  Were you high at the auction? If so, who drove you to and fro? Do you get high before explaining the sculpture to company? Does one have to be high to listen to the explanation?  How high is high?

I have so many questions.